By JORDAN ECARMA

If you give a progressive a “problematic” …

Source: The Hollywood Reporter

… sooner or later it gives him a stomachache.

Source: Vox

We all know we have free speech in America—as long as nothing you say bothers anyone ever at any time.

Source: Salon

Don’t joke.

Source: The Hollywood Reporter

Really, don’t joke.

Source: USA TODAY

Ever.

Source: Entertainment Weekly

SERIOUSLY, DON’T TELL JOKES.

Source: Hot Air

Thing is, even if you try to appeal to PC culture …

Source: Mic

… sorry, you’ll never get it right.

Source: Vulture

We all know a wrong comment is a 911 emergency these days.

Source: Campus Reform

Oh, are you in an oppressed group?

Source: Salon

SORRY, NOT OPPRESSED ENOUGH. TRY AGAIN.

Source: The Washington Post

And if you call out someone, better make sure it’s in exactly the right way.

Source: Tumblr

Or this happens.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It’s easy not to be problematic! Just add a lot of disclaimers.

Or apologize profusely in advance.

Source: Facebook

Stay safe out there.

Jordan Ecarma is a former journalist now living the millennial dream: getting paid for writing Facebook statuses (that is, digital PR). She watches her use of the f-word (“feminism”) around conservatives and the c-word (“conservatism”) around feminists. Find her under @JordanEcarma.